ANGER ~ So if Anger is Normal, What’s the BIG Deal?
What exactly IS the BIG deal. So we get angry. Everyone gets angry sometimes.
That’s true. We all do.
The deal is about learning to:
- understand the Anger Cycle
- what our anger is about.
- see how we react to it
- learn to actually understand what is going on with us
- on the inside & how we act it out
- decide how to Respond vs React
The ANGER CYCLE ~
There are Stages or Phases of Anger. Many will say they just ‘get angry’. However, it is not quite that straightforward. There is a given pattern of anger. And it is important that you have an understanding of this cycle if you are going to get your own anger under control, or deal with the anger of another, or others around you or handle situations that arise that you want to deal with more appropriately.
The first stage is the TRIGGER Stage
In this stage, basically, you triggered by something. You go from calm and normal and suddenly something happens. Some behavior from without, some situation, a realization on the inside that you react to in anger.
- What are some of the things that ‘TRIGGER’ you? Think about this. Jot a few things down.
Your OWN things. What triggers YOU. People are triggered by different things. What bothers others may not bother you and vice versa. Again, jot a few things down.
The things that trigger you are your own. There are dozens and dozens of responses from different individuals to the same stimuli. This is why you must own your own responses. Responsibility means ‘my ability to respond’. We want to mature into individuals who choose to respond appropriately, and the great news is, that is totally possible. Remember, you are not a puppet. You are not governed by the whims of others. They also have choices as to how they behave. And that might NOT be just in the best way. Nevertheless, you and I have no strings attached. No matter what happens we have the ability to respond appropriately. If we feel powerless and without that ability, GOOD NEWS ~ there’s big hope for you when you realize that. There are some simple to learn yet powerful changes you can make for yourself, to become truly responsible, that is, able to respond appropriately.
*Next Blog we’ll look at the Second Phase of the AROUSAL CYCLE ~ ESCALATION
*Laura is Certified in Conflict Resolution from the Justice Institute of B. C. She has taught more than 20 years in Dealing With Anger and is qualified in Mediation and Negotiation. She has served as Parent/Teen Mediator, Family Mediator, Child Protection Mediator, Facilitator, and Co-Therapist in groups for Men who were Court-Ordered and learning how to appropriately express anger.
*Laura is available for 1/2 hour Consults by phone